No time to waste, let’s get right into it!
S03E16 (Ep. 34): Four Musketurtles
Original Air Date: October 16, 1989
There’s a Mardi Gras parade in NYC and April is covering it for Channel 6. It’s being sponsored by a local jewelry store so of course April makes a point of mentioning and showing off a the priceless Star of Brazil diamond that the store is only too happy to call attention to.
Krang and Shredder are watching the broadcast on the big screen in the Technodrome and…OMG…we have backstory! Krang guffaws at the gem and says it is really the lost element of Dimension-X. He then proceeds to indulge us with a little flashback that features multiple Krangs including one with a bushy Wilford Brimley-style mustache! It was lost long ago, but Krang wants it back immediately! He calls it “Impervium” and says it’s the hardest known substance in the galaxy and that he could create insane weapons with it.
Leonardo has been reading a copy of The Three Musketeers given to him by April, but the other Turtles couldn’t give even the slightest of fucks about it. Not even Donatello and he’s a fucking geek. Leo hits up April on the TurtleCom and asks her to grab some Musketeer costumes for him and his brothers so they can fit in at the parade. While this is going on, Bebop and Rocksteady show up at the jewelry store trying to steal the diamond, but the Turtles show up and during the scuffle the diamond gets bounced around and ends up in a garbage can where it’s found by Irma who pockets it because…obviously.
Leonardo got his wig split during this encounter, however, and now he thinks he’s a genuine Musketeer. This is getting weird and I like it. The Turtles have those costumes April tracked down for them and now they’re forced into wearing them because Splinter says it’s good to humor Leo’s delusions right now. They head back to the surface to track down the diamond, but are soon encountered by Bebop, Rocksteady and Shredder who are obviously doing the same.
So let’s call a time-out here. Take a knee, fam. This is episode 34 now and Shredder has been terrorizing the city for all of them, yet here he is walking around in broad daylight in the middle of town and nobody does a damn thing about it?! Bro, if you see something, SAY SOMETHING! How the fuck you just gonna let this dude walk around like it ain’t no thang?! This is craziness! Literally every fucking day he tries to take over your city and you don’t know who he is?! Does anybody here watch April O’Neil on Channel 6 news?!
God, I’m so fucking livid.
Oh, Shredder notices the gem on Irma, kidnaps her and April and now has possession of the Impervium. There was a whole thing at the parade and it looked like a show so people just stood idly by and cheered. New York fucking sucks.
Krang arrives on the surface strictly because he doesn’t trust Shredder to not backstab him and he was actually right to do so since Shredder was about to use the Impervium to crown himself ruler of Earth. The Turtles hit the scene and Leonardo’s memory suddenly returns just in time to foil the plans of our heels, but seeing them still able to escape BY DRILLING ANOTHER GODDAMN HOLE INTO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH IN A MODULE!
Oh yeah, the gem goes down a sink drain and is lost forever because nobody’s a fucking plumber.
Real talk, as silly as this episode probably sounds, I was at least more actively engaged throughout the whole thing. I’m not going to try to convince you that it was great or anything, but it was definitely the most enjoyable episode of the past two weeks. Leo’s temporary amnesia and sudden memory recovery was what it was, but the ridiculousness of everything in here actually was a good thing to make this better than just your average run of the mill TMNT.
Main Man Standings:
OK, after talking it up I’m sure you’re wondering how we’re rating it…
DOUBLE AND A HALF MAIN MAN
Boom. Literally acceptable mediocrity which is still a big step up from a lot of these episodes! Now I’m even a little excited for tomorrow!
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