Episode-A-Day! MASK, Ep. 22: “The Secret of Life”

Welcome back to the beginning of Week 4! Still a long way to go in the series, but we inch closer to being able to start on a better show soon enough. Hopefully.

For now, we’re about a third of the way through this series, however, and I’ll be doing my best to get us to the finish line.

Also, a thank you to those of you actually reading these reviews. There’s been a nice uptick in the website traffic and that is much appreciated.

And with that said, welcome to Ep. 22: “The Secret of Life”!


Welcome to Egypt. At this point, Matt and Scott Trakker have had to get a massive amount of page refills for their passports. It’s absurd. Unless they’re breaking international law which I wouldn’t put past them because of how effortless they make it seem when calling in other MASK agents and their vehicles at the drop of a hat.

But, yeah, today we’re in Egypt where local english-speaking scientists are trying to decipher ancient hierogylphics on a tablet that will lead to the tomb of King Tuttibon where the secret of life can be found.

After the scientists feel they’ve reached an impasse for the evening, they decide to call it a night and continue later as they have a busy day ahead of them. Upon closing up for the night, a mummy emerges from a carcophogus (a word I always love using because it reminds me of Thundercats playset that was Mumm-Ra’s tomb), steals the tablet and leaves through the window like my favorite Something Corporate album.

I don’t know how many of you had that, but this was seriously one of my favorite playsets as a kid.

Back at the ranch, the Trakkers are on an archeology excavation with the scientitsts from the night before when word comes down that the tablet has been stolen. Matt runs off to help and leaves Scott and T-Bob to dig as he calls in the MASK agents best suited for this mission.

Once again, we’re left without Brad who may have finally told Matt Trakker to go fuck himself and that his music comes first and Matt can’t tell him what to do because he’s not his dad.

Turns out that VENOM are behind the theft of the ancient tablet and bring it to a local bad guy who will translate the markings and then split the fee 50/50 for whatever it is that the secret of life turns out becoming.

MASK is able to track them down and we get a battle through the tourist section of Egypt which includes VENOM blowing up a pyramid. I’m sure that went over well with the locals. No matter, VENOM has the translation and has left the local Egyptian bad guy to be collared by MASK.

They arrive at the tomb of King Tuttibon where they recover what looks to be some kind of green fucking broach. Apparently, that’s what this entire episode has been built around. A goddamn broach. MASK comes by and is like, “Oy! Give us that fucking broach!” VENOM is all like, “Eyy! This is our fucking broach! Bugger off!” So MASK knocks them over and takes the fucking broach. The bring it to local Egyptian english-speaking scientist who is able to find the secret of life from this fucking thing.

The secret of life…is Love.

Honestly, VENOM wouldn’t have been able to sell that for fucking beans.


Look, I’m shitting all over the goddamn broach, but, for the most part, this episode was OK. Nothing too great, but I did enjoy the mummy and blowing up the pyramid. Not an awful lot here to get invested in, but that’s par for the course in MASK to this point.


Be careful dumpster diving. You never know what kind of hazardous things can be in there. Solid advice. And yes, this is actually a real thing.

Final Grade:

**. There’s been better, there’s been worse. This wasn’t one of the worse ones. At least you were able to have some fun with this one.

So that’s today’s episode. We come back tomorrow with more MASK fun.

❤ Joe