In 2011, Harry Slash (who is best known as the guy who composed the ECW theme) came up with an idea to make a sort of This Is Spinal Tap for wrestling. I was still wrestling pretty consistently on the indie scene then and together, Harry and I put together an outline for what would have been a DVD talking about my 60 years in the wrestling business. I told stories about running away from home at age 4 to begin wrestling in Mexico, being a star in Japan, the halcyon days of the 80s and how I invented the minivan.
The best part about this story was that we got genuine legends and stars from the world of wrestling to talk about me as if I really was the legend that I thought I was in my own head.
One of the best interviews we got was from George “The Animal” Steele who passed away today. I’m not going to claim that we were friends or that I knew him well, but in the times I was in his company he was always awesome and quick with a joke. I genuinely would enjoy seeing him when he was booked for appearances on shows I was on.
The DVD never saw the light of day, but I do have some of the footage and interviews that were recorded. So I figured I’d share this little nugget today as a small tribute to a true legend of the business. RIP, sir.
As promised from this most recent episode, here’s a picture of me with the most genuine smile on my face the day I happened upon the Wienermobile. What a time to be alive.
As mentioned in our latest episode, both of us talked about Demolition who dominated the WWF tag team ranks in the late 80s. I also spoke about Ax and Smash main eventing the first ever live wrestling show I ever went to and the getting the opportunity to wrestle against them myself over 20 years later. So, for your visual enjoyment, here I am as the villainous Maximus Sex Power teaming with Pinkie Sanchez to take the legendary former tag champs in Queens, NY. This took place at an ICW event in Queens, NY in October, 2010. Check it out.
We’re back with another full-length episode! This one was fun as we discussed the cult-classic LABYRINTH and then continued our six weeks of horror with SHAUN OF THE DEAD and the little-known TV special, “Halloween Is Grinch Night”! Enjoy!
Holy smokes! We’re up to 13 episodes already! Both of us really enjoyed this week’s show and we’re pretty sure you will too. We start by wrapping up the summer movie season, but then dive deep into some iconic songs that transcend the movie they were featured in. A lot of good, fun discussion and some personal touches. Enjoy!
Hey! Episode 12 is live! This week we talk about all our memories and favorites from the original Nintendo Entertainment System which was the absolute bee’s knees when we were kids. Enjoy!
Folks, we’ve hit double digits! This week we discuss the jerkoff who’s suing Warner Bros. because of SUICIDE SQUAD, we also check out the new Seth Rogan animated shitfest SAUSAGE PARTY and finally, we finish the Netflix original series, “Stranger Things”! All in all, a classy way to be 10 weeks old!
Welcome back to another edition of MASK! Wait until you see this shit. No wasted time, let’s get on with Ep. 24: “The Plant Show”!
Plot:
We open in Los Angeles where Brad’s band is playing a sold-out concert! Whoooooooaaaaaaaaaaa!
This fucking exists…and it is glorious! No wonder Brad hasn’t been seen in a handful of episodes. He finally got to play his big show uninterrupted.
The end.
In all honesty, if the episode ended there, I would have gone home happy, but it didn’t. After the show, Matt and Scott head backstage to visit with Brad and compliment his life-altering performance. T-Bob says how much he loved the plant effect they had where giant vines grew over the amphitheater. Turns out that the vines weren’t an effect, but VENOM’s new plot to take over civilization!
VENOM is dropping seeds of their genetically engineered seeds all over LA coating the entire town in what appear to be indestructible vines. MASK is so busy trying to save people from getting trapped in the weeds that they’re not able to come up with a solution for how to defeat the vines and send VENOM packing for the day.
Scott and T-Bob, who had been banished to their hotel room earlier by Matt have room service bring them a huge sundae. Of course, calamity ensues and they spill the sundae and fall out the window, but realize that the cold from the ice cream is able to kill the vines. Scott calls Matt on T-Bob’s radio to tell him this and Bruce creates a cold bomb to shoot over the city that clears the vines once and for all.
Thoughts:
Brad actually had a concert. It was awesome. Dude is a fucking star. Fuck the rest of the episode. I explained what happened. Figure it out for yourself.
PSA:
Don’t take electric stuff into water. Solid advice.
Final Grade:
**1/2*. I’m bumping this one up big time for finally giving my double main man, Brad, the big shine. I wonder if they ever released a record of Brad’s band’s music. What the hell is the name of his band anyway?
What a phenomenal time. I had fun. Did you have fun? This was good. Let’s do it again tomorrow.
Welcome back to another exciting episode of MASK! Today, we still learn nothing about just who Matt Trakker is or where he gets his money, but that won’t stop me from trying in the future.
Here’s episode 23, “Vanishing Point”!
Plot:
It looks like we’re back in mountainous unnamed hometown where a cargo plane is getting set to land at an out-of-the-way airfield. Upon landing, people at the base go to meet the plane only to discover that it is gone! Vanished! Into thin air!
The head guy at the airfield FaceTimes Matt Trakker because he’s the chief investor of the cargo being carried in that plane: a top-secret Hermes Jet that is light and collapsible into small pieces that can also travel at Mach 5 with incredible handling.
Matt decides to do a little investigating and finds that VENOM is behind this. Obviously.
MASK starts casing the VENOM hideout, but Scott and T-Bob act like a couple of assholes and blow the cover even though they’re not even supposed to be there. Instead of being mad and slapping the shit out of his son for jeopardizing the mission and their safety, Matt laughs it off because all’s good in the hood.
But now they gotta get back in the vehicles and chase down VENOM. Matt sees the Hermes Jet and starts tracking it, but Bruce sees on radar that there’s no jet there. VENOM is using fake chemtrails to disguise where they have the jet actually going.
Matt is beside himself, but does come across a secret VENOM airfield and orders the MASK crew to follow him to his location. Gloria infiltrates the facility and frees the Jet crew and finds the secret plane while MASK chases off VENOM.
Unfortunately, the airfield is equipped with a self-destruction bomb that Miles Mayhem sets off before he flies away. Bruce is barely able to stop the countdown with a bobby pin from Gloria’s hair and the day is saved.
Thoughts:
How the fuck do you create fake trails for a fucking plane? I work in aviation! You can’t just fake a trail on radar. I fucking hate this show.
PSA:
Never carry more than you’re able to safely handle. Solid advice.
Final Grade:
* 1/2*. Some of colors seem to pop a bit more in the animation of this episode for some reason. Visually, it looked OK, but once again, the story is just fucking stupid. It’s just getting frustrating because you consistently see the potential of how this could be an interesting and fun series and it’s just not pulling it off.
We’ll be back tomorrow to be disappointed by this show again.
Welcome back to the beginning of Week 4! Still a long way to go in the series, but we inch closer to being able to start on a better show soon enough. Hopefully.
For now, we’re about a third of the way through this series, however, and I’ll be doing my best to get us to the finish line.
Also, a thank you to those of you actually reading these reviews. There’s been a nice uptick in the website traffic and that is much appreciated.
And with that said, welcome to Ep. 22: “The Secret of Life”!
Plot:
Welcome to Egypt. At this point, Matt and Scott Trakker have had to get a massive amount of page refills for their passports. It’s absurd. Unless they’re breaking international law which I wouldn’t put past them because of how effortless they make it seem when calling in other MASK agents and their vehicles at the drop of a hat.
But, yeah, today we’re in Egypt where local english-speaking scientists are trying to decipher ancient hierogylphics on a tablet that will lead to the tomb of King Tuttibon where the secret of life can be found.
After the scientists feel they’ve reached an impasse for the evening, they decide to call it a night and continue later as they have a busy day ahead of them. Upon closing up for the night, a mummy emerges from a carcophogus (a word I always love using because it reminds me of Thundercats playset that was Mumm-Ra’s tomb), steals the tablet and leaves through the window like my favorite Something Corporate album.
I don’t know how many of you had that, but this was seriously one of my favorite playsets as a kid.
Back at the ranch, the Trakkers are on an archeology excavation with the scientitsts from the night before when word comes down that the tablet has been stolen. Matt runs off to help and leaves Scott and T-Bob to dig as he calls in the MASK agents best suited for this mission.
Once again, we’re left without Brad who may have finally told Matt Trakker to go fuck himself and that his music comes first and Matt can’t tell him what to do because he’s not his dad.
Turns out that VENOM are behind the theft of the ancient tablet and bring it to a local bad guy who will translate the markings and then split the fee 50/50 for whatever it is that the secret of life turns out becoming.
MASK is able to track them down and we get a battle through the tourist section of Egypt which includes VENOM blowing up a pyramid. I’m sure that went over well with the locals. No matter, VENOM has the translation and has left the local Egyptian bad guy to be collared by MASK.
They arrive at the tomb of King Tuttibon where they recover what looks to be some kind of green fucking broach. Apparently, that’s what this entire episode has been built around. A goddamn broach. MASK comes by and is like, “Oy! Give us that fucking broach!” VENOM is all like, “Eyy! This is our fucking broach! Bugger off!” So MASK knocks them over and takes the fucking broach. The bring it to local Egyptian english-speaking scientist who is able to find the secret of life from this fucking thing.
The secret of life…is Love.
Honestly, VENOM wouldn’t have been able to sell that for fucking beans.
Thoughts:
Look, I’m shitting all over the goddamn broach, but, for the most part, this episode was OK. Nothing too great, but I did enjoy the mummy and blowing up the pyramid. Not an awful lot here to get invested in, but that’s par for the course in MASK to this point.
PSA:
Be careful dumpster diving. You never know what kind of hazardous things can be in there. Solid advice. And yes, this is actually a real thing.
Final Grade:
**. There’s been better, there’s been worse. This wasn’t one of the worse ones. At least you were able to have some fun with this one.
So that’s today’s episode. We come back tomorrow with more MASK fun.
Car JoeMeZ 