Ep. 38: “The Music of Us”

Check out the latest episode of the show! This week, we’re talking the music that shaped our adolesence, but also losing our shit over the bullshit Top Fast Food Items list put out this week by Bill Simmons’ The Ringer. It’s a good time so find us on iTunes, Soundcloud, Stitcher & Google Play and please subscribe, rate, review and share with your friends!

Daily Cartoon! BUCKY O’HARE & THE TOAD WARS: E.5: “On The Blink”

Welcome to another exciting edition of the Daily Cartoon on Car JoeMez! Today’s show is another special request from another podcast listener, Drunk Irish Jay. He likes the show and so will you so go subscribe to The Car JoeMez Podcast on iTunesSoundcloud or wherever you get your podcasts. Like, leave a review and share with your friends.

Today’s show is Bucky O’Hare And The Toad Wars. I literally know nothing about this show besides a vague memory of toy commercials back in the day that had a kick ass theme song over them.

I never had toys, I never played the video game, I’ve never seen this cartoon. So this is a brand new experience for me. The show only lasted 13 episodes, but a quick Google search shows it’s definitely got its fair share of followers and fans.

buckytoys

That’s one of the cool things about checking out these shows and writing these things up: you learn. Sure, it’s all useless knowledge, but it’s fun to go back and see these things and see the fanbases and collections for them. So keep these suggestions and requests coming my way because I’m having a good time doing this.

OK, so back to Bucky. Basically, from what I gather, the plot of this show is about a humanoid bunny and his crew who are trying to stop a group of evil toads who are hellbent on universal domination. Easy enough. I think I can handle this. Let’s watch a cartoon.

Bucky O’Hare And The Toad Wars: E.5: “On The Blink”

Originally Aired: October 6, 1991

Plot:

So there’s a planet of koalas and a rogue bear is sending an SOS to Bucky O’Hare saying that their planet has been overtaken and turned into a resort/hotel for toads. Bucky immediately sets course for that planet.

In the meantime, we get some terrific scenes of the koalas serving toads at the resort; giving them massages, acting as caddies while they golf and feeding them while they sunbathe. This shit is great. I like these toads.

Bucky and Deadeye Duck head into the koala planet’s atmosphere, but can’t get through because of some kind of intense force field. Turns out it’s mammal-proof so neither Bucky nor his crew will be able to breakthrough.

Jenny – Bucky’s first mate who is a sort of fancy cat lady – calls Willy DuWitt – their human friend who acts as a sort of tech guru – on some kind of two-way mirror communicator. It’s like the one Dumbledore’s brother had when Harry was asking for help with getting into Hogwarts before the final battle with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Jenny begs Willy to transport to their ship, The Righteous Indignation, immediately as they need his expertise. Willy DuWitt is a young boy who looks to be all of 10 years-old. I don’t care how fucking smart he is, I’m not entrusting this little geek with the safety of the universe.

 

Willy shows up and quickly figures out that the force field is mammal-proof so he comes up with an idea to send the crew’s robot, Blinky, in because he won’t be blocked from entering the airspace. OK, that’s pretty smart, I suppose. Blinky does make it through to the koala planet, but is quickly found out and captured by Toad Borg who is one of the top-level baddies here. He’s a giant half-toad, half-robot thing, but is all evil.

They give Blinky some shock treatment and then leave, so Blinky frees himself and steals a hover-spacecraft belonging to the toads to head back to Bucky’s ship. Turns out that Toad Borg re-programmed Blinky when he had him captured and this was all just a clever ruse to have Blinky sabotage The Righteous Indignation. It looks like curtains for Bucky O’Hare and team as the ship hurdles toward the sun.

Willy DuWitt goes into crazy emergency science-mode and fixes Blinky. They send the robot back to the koala planet under the guise that he’s still reprogrammed and he deactivates the defense shield. Willy is able to fix the hyper-drive on the ship and they head to the koala planet to take care of business.

A short battle ensues and Bucky, Deadeye, Jenny, Willy and Blinky are trapped. But Bruiser – a brawler baboon – comes in and beats up a couple of toads and chases them off the planet so the koalas have their home back.

Final Thoughts:

I fucking love these toads. They have zero scruples. My kinda fellas.

I really want to check out the rest of this series after seeing this one episode now. I like the characters and I like shit happening in space so this definitely appeals to my interests.

I’m interested in what the back story for the crew is here. Are they the only good guys? Is there a whole fleet of good guys and this just happens in their section of the galaxy that they’re assigned to patrol? By any chance is Chinese Moon Supervisor from Independence Day 2 involved? God, I wish he was.

But, yeah, I want to see how these toads became such big heels and how this whole situation grew. So, obviously, I’m giving this a thumbs-up. There’s some episodes on YouTube, but I believe there’s also a DVD set of all 13 episodes. If you’re interested, go check that out and then report back to me with your thoughts.

See you tomorrow.

❤ Joe

Daily Cartoon! JAMES BOND, JR: Ep. 9: “The Eiffel Missile”

Welcome back to another edition of the Daily Cartoon on Car JoeMez! Remember to check out the weekly show, The Car JoeMez Podcast, on iTunesSoundcloudStitcher or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen to a couple of episodes, subscribe and leave a review because that stuff all helps and I’d appreciate it.

As for today’s cartoon, we’ll be watching an episode of James Bond, Jr. As the title implies, this show was basically a type of Flintstones Kids but with the nephews and kids of characters from the Bond universe.

The show had one 65 episode season produced for syndication that aired between 1991-1992. Personally, I remember it as a show that I’d watch while I was eating breakfast before my mom shuttled me off to school in the mornings. I don’t remember it really ever catching fire, but it may have been more popular than I remember because it had a toy line…

JBJtoys.JPG

…and a video game!

jbjnes

I can’t say I ever had any of that stuff or even played the game, but I remember the show being OK enough for some early morning entertainment.

The basic premise that James Bond, Jr. (nephew of the actual James Bond) attends a prestigious school with classmates IQ (grandson of Q) and Gordo Leiter (son of Felix Leiter). The team up to battle the villainous group known as SCUM (Saboteurs and Criminals United in Mayhem).

 

If I were the bad guys, I’d totally use the abbreviation too. Someone just put way too much thought into that name. I wonder if there’s an episode where they just sit around brainstorming names. That’d fill 22 minutes, I’m sure.

So that’s the background on JBJ, so – with that said – let’s watch a cartoon.

James Bond, Jr.: Episode 9: “The Eiffel Missile”

First off, the intro to this show is pretty good. The song is really catchy and it’s the main thing I remember about this show 25 years after the fact. You’ll probably like it too.

We open at Heathrow Airport where James Bond, Jr. is returning to England after a trip abroad. As he’s coming through customs, he recognizes Skullcap, a SCUM agent causing a ruckus on another of the lines. JBJ goes after Skullcap who evades him and runs out of the airport and on the ramp where a plane is being loaded for takeoff. Skullcap hijacks the plane and Bond, Jr. requisitions a staircar to chase him.

Apparently, he’s taken the most powerful staircar ever built because he’s able to not only keep up with the airplane, but get in front of it right before Skullcap is able to takeoff. Bond boards the plane and – after a brief fight – grabs an envelope that Skullcap is trying to protect before hitting the ejector seat and leaving Skullcap to die in a fiery crash that we don’t see, but I’ll just assume happens.

Bond gets admonished by the headmaster of his academy for doing stupid, dangerous shit on school grounds and shit like that is why they’re cancelling the school trip to Paris. Supposedly, terrorists have smuggled a nuclear warhead into Paris and the school needs to protect their students. I guess we have our mystery for the day.

While James is getting a workout in, IQ, Gordo and other friends Tracy and Phoebe are watching him and discussing the nuclear weapon thing. Turns out that the envelope JBJ grabbed from Skullcap contained plans for such a nuclear weapon and Bond is fired up about wanting to go to Paris and foil this plot. As soon as he says that, Mr. Mitchell, the school’s athletic director comes in to have a casual chat with the group. He knows all of JBJ’s off-campus activities and gives him a tip as to when would be a good time to leave school grounds to head to Paris.

The crew take a hovercraft to Paris since JBJ is temporarily banned from the airport and are met by an undercover SCUM operative who clues in the big bads that Bond is on board. All of a sudden, Skullcap show up in a helicopter very undead despite his absolutely tragic and unseen demise in an awful, horrible , violent plane crash that I assume happened at the beginning of the episode and begins shooting at the hovercraft. Luckily, they turn the tables and force Skullcap into another crash landing that I’m sure will have finally killed him for good this time.

James goes on a dinner-date with a girl from the hovercraft ride who I thought was a SCUM agent, but turns out is the daughter of a French policeman. Their date is interrupted by Dr. Derange (one of the top guys in SCUM) and Skullcap, who is still not fucking dead, but JBJ and his lady friend, Marci take care of business and go searching for the warhead together.

 

Marci informs James that in addition to the streets of Paris, she also knows the sewers so the two head out through the underground toward the Eiffel Tower since James is certain that’s where they’ll find the warhead. They come upon the underground lair of Dr. Derange and find what they were looking for. Unfortunately, James and Marci are captured by Skullcap (still not dead) and the two are chained to the missile which is being geared up to be shot to Moscow.

James uses his trusty laser-watch to cut the chains and free him and Marci. He then rips out the navigation wiring from the side of the warhead which sends it into space instead of Moscow. James and Marci return to the lair looking to apprehend Dr. Derange, but he’s already gone and has sworn revenge for another day.

Final Thoughts:

I actually really enjoyed this! Got your typical cartoon cheesiness, but in a fun way and I really liked Dr. Derange. Apparently he’s one of the most active villains in this series and I would definitely watch more to see what else he’s got going on.

I killed off Skullcap three times without him actually dying once. My apologies to the Skullcap family.

The Bond crew is OK, but – in this episode, at least –  they didn’t get overexposed and I was thankful for that. Gordo, IQ and Tracy serve their purposes well enough, but the Phoebe girl is Tracy’s nerd BFF who has this over-spoken crush on JBJ and I’m sure it gets very annoying very easily.

If you want to check this out, there is a DVD set available, but YouTube isn’t that great. It’s got some episodes, but in very meh quality and broken up into parts which gets annoying. I may check out some more episodes if I get some time because I did have fun with it so feel free to do the same.

See you tomorrow.

❤ Joe

 

Daily Cartoon! MIGHTY MAX: E.8: “Norman’s Conquest”

Welcome to another edition of the Daily Cartoon on Car JoeMez! Today we have another special request as this was sent in by Steve who listens to the podcast. You should listen too! Find it on iTunesSoundcloud or wherever you get your podcasts. Remember to subscribe, like, comment and review because we love all that stuff.

Today’s show is Mighty Max. This is another show that I know in name only. I’ve heard of it, never seen it, never owned toys and never played the video games. So, I had to head to the handy-dandy internet to do some background research on this show before I just jump in blind.

Apparently, Max is just a kid who gets an Egyptian statue mysteriously sent to him one day. He drops the statue and it smashes revealing the cap that becomes his trademark. He is then introduced to Virgil and Norman who become his crew and they travel around the world defending Earth from Skullmaster and his minions.

 

OK, this sounds pretty fun and an easy-enough premise. The show ran for 40 episodes between 1993 and 1994 and seems to have a pretty loyal following. I’ll be honest, I’m kind of looking forward to checking this out after the little bit of research I did. Sounds like a good time.

So, with that said, let’s watch a cartoon!

Mighty Max: E.8: “Norman’s Conquest”

Originally Aired: October 27, 1993

Plot:

So the opening theme sequence shows Max, Virgil (some kind of wizened bird friend…you can tell because he wears glasses) and Norman (a kind of Viking bodyguard heavy) traveling through space and time via transportational portal as they fight the Skullmaster and his associates. OK, I get the basics. So far, so good.

 

We open in Boulder, Colorado where a couple of excavators have unearthed an old-looking axe that they’re going to send back to England to have cataloged. One of the explorers takes the items they’ve found and sets off while the other stays behind to continue digging in the ice and snow.

Suddenly, a giant monster erupts from under the thick ice. The remaining explorer begs for his life and is swatted away for his troubles. The monster screams for Norman.

We cut to Max in school, just about to take a test, but when he looks at his paper, he gets an urgent message with directions to a portal. Max fakes an illness to get out of the test and heads to the portal. He arrives in a junkyard where he’s met by Virgil and, also, the monster from Boulder – who is called Spike – who is tossing wrecked cars around like it’s nobody’s business.

Norman arrives on the scene and it’s immediately obvious that him and Spike have a history together. Just when it looks as if Spike is going to finish Norman, Max uses a giant magnet-crane to pull Spike away and drop him in a compactor. They assume he’s finished, but Spike emerges almost immediately and continues causing a ruckus as Max and friends decide to run.

The trio thinks they’ve gotten away from Spike and during a slow moment, Norman fills us in on his back story with Spike. Ten-thousand years ago, Spike’s clan invaded Norman’s town. Norman’s father is killed by Spike while Norman is just a boy and Norman blames himself for not being able to get his father his axe in time.

The three return to Norman’s home: Boulder, Colorado to retrieve the long-lost war-axe. Spike is already there waiting, but Norman has come to terms with having to eliminate Spike to eradicate the guilt of his father’s death. While Norman and Spike do battle, Max and Virgil find out from the remaining explorer who is still there that the axe has been discovered, but is now in England.

Virgil is able to open a quickie-portal so they can retrieve the axe in England and get it to Norman who could use the confidence boost that wielding his father’s axe would bring. The crew is able to get the axe from the English museum and get it to Norman who gets the Hulk-up boost from having the weapon.

Norman, in lieu of slicing up Spike, just knocks him off the side of a cliff where he is then buried by an avalanche. Norman then takes some alone time to pray to his father and return the axe to him spiritually.

Final Thoughts:

First impression, this show was a lot less exciting than I had imagined it being. A lot hinges on the ability for Virgil to read some scripture about where portals can be found, but when they needed a portal to retrieve the axe in England, it felt like they were able to drum one up without issue.

Also – and this is a continuity issue – when they do get the axe, they didn’t bring it back through the portal with them. They had some museum security guards to distract to give themselves the chance to escape, but they leave the axe behind once they do create the diversion. Just something that really bugged me while watching.

All in all, nothing of much depth here. I wasn’t very into the characters and the story was pretty weak. Spike never seemed like a major threat and it felt like it was just a matter of time before he was vanquished.

This may have just been a weak episode as a whole. It’s hard to judge a series by just one installment, but there wasn’t anything about this show that makes me feel like I need to sit down and watch the series from the beginning. It’s not something I’d never watch again, but nothing I’m in a hurry to watch more of either.

Apparently, there is a DVD set out there if you’re looking for more Mighty Max. Like I said earlier, it’s only a 40 episode series so it wouldn’t consume your life if you decided to binge.

Thanks for reading and I’ll see you tomorrow.

❤ Joe

 

Daily Cartoon! GARGOYLES: S.2,E.27: “Golem”

Welcome to the Monday edition of the Daily Cartoon. I’ve even impressed myself with how consistent I’ve been with this so far. Also, keep the suggestions and requests coming. I will get to all of them. Promise.

Before we get going, remember to check out the weekly show, The Car JoeMez Podcast on iTunesSoundcloud or wherever you get your podcasts. If you have the time to click like on all those episodes or leave a review on iTunes, that would be very much appreciated, so please do that.

Today’s episode was actually a special request by my brother, The Meat Man.

 

He’s big into the cartoons as well so he requested this right away when he saw what I was doing. Yes, that is his actual high school photo.

Today, we’re watching Gargoyles and I’ll be honest, I’ve never seen an episode of this. This came out in the mid-90s when I was already old enough to be too cool for cartoons so beyond just having never watched it, I literally know nothing about it.

When that happens, though, I just do some handy-dandy research in the ole Google and find out some stuff. What’s cool about this show, though, is that, the more I read, the more interested I was becoming in actually seeing this show. Outside of the actual premise, which – on paper – is whatever, it’s had some incredibly impressive write-ups such as being ranked 45th on IGN’s 2009 list of the Top 100 animated series.

The show ran for 78 episodes from 1994-1997 and received favorable comparisons to Batman: The Animated Series which is pretty big since that Batman series is fucking terrific. I know a lot of uber-Batman people and their Batman is The Animated Series.

This show became known for similar dark tones and complex story and character arcs that helped build the cult following it still enjoys today. It even received my favorite tie-in treatment: an officially licensed video game!

gargoyles_game_cover

The game, apparently, was your basic side-scroller and had zero relation to show canon, but who knows, I may still look for this now and try to pick it up. Buying up old games of shows and movies that I talk about on the podcast or write about here has become my new thing.

The basic story here is that the Gargoyles are stone by day, and protectors of Scotland by night, but one day they are betrayed by the humans that brought them into existence. Some are killed, the rest, cursed to stay forever in stone until the castle they’re force upon touches the sky or some shit like that.

A thousand years later, a NY billionaire buys their castle and has the Gargoyles moved to Manhattan where the curse breaks and they can begin protecting the people at night again. Supposedly, the writing leans heavily on MacBeth and A Mid-Summer Night’s Dream and, since I was that one kid in your high school English class that actually enjoyed reading Shakespeare, I already have a feeling I’m going to be into this and may need to buy DVDs so I can actually really watch it. We’ll see. Maybe I shouldn’t get too far ahead of myself.

Anyway, let’s watch a cartoon!

Gargoyles: S.2, E.27: “Golem”

Originally Aired: December 14, 1995

Plot:

The opening sequence gives us pretty good background on what the general plot of the show is. It’s appreciated.

Early on, I’m not really following everything that’s happening. There’s obviously a significant amount of continuity between episodes so I’m stuck trying to pick it all up. That’s not a bad thing. Hell, I prefer that in all actuality, it’s just that – for the format I’m currently doing – it can make things difficult.

So here’s what I’m currently following:

Goliath is the leader of the Gargoyles. He’s been dealing with a human man named Renard about possibly being able to get back home. I’ll assume the home he refers to is New York since I believe this episode takes place in Prague.

The Golem, which is a Jewish defender of old lore is about to be awoken for the first time in 400 years, but is stolen by a group of mercenaries hired by Renard. For what reason? I don’t yet know.

Just so we’re on the same page, I literally paused the episode about 12 minutes in just to try to recap a bit since I am trying to pay close attention and follow this. So far, I’m a fan of the animation and I totally get the comparisons to Batman: The Animated Series that I mentioned earlier.

OK, back at the ranch…

The Gargoyles and their NYPD friend Elisa Maza get a briefing on what the Golem is and the history behind it. Goliath immediately takes off to go find Renard because he has always known him to be a man of integrity.

 

When Goliath arrives at Renard’s a ceremony is about to begin. Renard is a frail, old man who is confined to a wheelchair and he has come upon an incantation that will transfer his soul into the body of the Golem allowing him to live again. These rich guys always seem to have a problem facing their mortality. Not like I blame them. If I were rich like that, why would I ever want to die? Hell, I don’t wanna die if I’m poor either.

But I digress…

Goliath is forced back by weaponry and Renard and his assistant complete the spell transferring Renard’s soul into the body of the Golem. Goliath tries to stop him, telling Renard to not choose this path, but Renard – now with the strength of the stone Golem – knocks him out before going on a walk around town to feel what it’s like to have mobility and freedom of motion again.

The Golem returns to the house it was stolen from with the purpose of destroying any book or spell that may contain a way to defeat it. Other gargoyles get tossed aside easily before Goliath is able to jump back into the fray and talk sense into his old friend, Renard.

The Golem/Renard back up with the “what have I done” realization and returns to have the spell reversed and deal with his future as it comes. The Golem is returned to the people who were trying to awake it in the first place so they can use it for its true purpose: defending the citizens of their town from these criminals who have taken too much control.

 

Renard offers Goliath transportation back to New York for all of the Gargoyles as a thank you for helping him save his soul, but Goliath turns him down because he says they have other business to attend to.

Final Thoughts:

Not something you can just jump into in the middle of like I tried doing here, but I definitely have some takeaways:

  • As already stated, I completely see where they get the comparisons to Batman, but it’s not like this is a carbon-copy. It comes from mood and coloring and works very well here
  • For not knowing basically anything about this show going in, I still liked it an awful lot. I have a genuine interest in tracking down this series and starting from the beginning.
  • The writing feels intelligent, but not like it’s trying to talk down to you. This is not just another paint-by-numbers cartoon. This is actually a quality program.

So those are some quick things I learned from watching this. Obviously, with everything I’ve been watching lately and am trying to watch as time rolls on, it will be hard for me to really give it the time it deserves, but it’s something I’ll definitely move to my list.

If you were a fan of this in the 90s, I totally get why. May be a little much for certain people because of the fantasy elements of it being gargoyles and I know some people just can’t deal with that, but it’s fun, it’s smart. If you’re like me and haven’t seen this before, do yourself a favor and check it out. You’ll be glad you did.

Thanks for reading.

❤ Joe

Daily Cartoon! Bobby’s World: S.3,E.10 “Baby Brother Blues”

Welcome to the Friday edition of the Daily Cartoon on Car JoeMez. We’ll be sailing into the weekend with this one today, but, as always, remember to check out the weekly show, The Car JoeMez Podcast, on iTunesSoundcloud or wherever it is that you listen to the highest of quality podcasts.

I assume that nowadays, people think of Howie Mandel as the guy from Deal Or No Deal, but if you’re around my age, you know him for two things: always checking to make sure he’s not under your bed (I’m not explaining this. You either get it or you’re wack AF.) and Bobby’s World.

Bobby’s World was about the stories and imagination of 4 year-old (when the show first premiered) Bobby Generic and his dealings with the adults and siblings in his life. It originally debuted in 1990 and -shockingly, to me at least – lasted eight seasons. I remember it being a solid show that people liked, but nothing that took over the mainstream by any means. Like, yeah, I knew a bunch of people who watched it, but it was never the thing you couldn’t wait to talk about with your friends.

The show was created by Mandel and he even does the voices for both Bobby and his father, Howard. Supposedly, he’s spoken about the possibility of a revival for this show, but c’mon. There are plenty of things we need before getting new episodes of Bobby’s World. Just one man’s opinion. You don’t have to agree with it.

So, now that our background is out of the way, on with the show!

Bobby’s World: S.3, E.10: “Baby Brother Blues”

Originally Aired: November 14, 1992

Plot:

We open at the Generic house where Bobby is bothering his sister, Kelly, to shift through the mail to see if his Captain Squash (the primo superhero to all the kids) game has finally been delivered. The house is madness right now because Bobby’s mom, Martha, is primed to go into labor any minute and Howard – the pops – is nervous AF.

Bobby sees that his game was delivered, but it’s on the counter where he can’t reach and nobody will help him because they’re all catering to Martha who is obviously uncomfortable. The game gets tossed around a bit until it lands on top of the fridge. Bobby then goes into a fantasy segment where he’s a famous mountain climber trying to reach the peak of the frozen tundra where his hero, Captain Squash is trapped, frozen in a block of ice desperate to be rescued. It comes to an abrupt end, however, when Howard yells at Bobby for climbing on chairs, effectively breaking the fantasy. Bobby is already resenting the unborn baby because nobody wants to just give him his game so he’d shut the fuck up.

Bobby’s heated and decided to pack up and move so he doesn’t have to compete with the baby for affection. Where is he moving? To the French Foreign Legion, of course! Back to a fantasy sequence where Bobby is dressed like Napoleon and insults all the French soldiers because he hasn’t exactly mastered the language. He decides that the French are assholes, Lloyd, and runs to a waiting spaceship to take him to a different planet. When his brother Derek breaks the fan this time, Bobby decides to live in a blanket fort for his entire life.

Derek finally brings Bobby his Captain Squash game, but, of course, it’s fallen off the refrigerator and into a bowl of lentil soup and is broken. Bobby tries to get Howard to fix it, but once he’s again ignored, he smashes it on the floor. Howard gets fired up and tells him to go outside until he can behave himself.

Now, I don’t have kids, but if I did, I don’t know if sending them to sit outside like Dino from The Flintstones is quite the way to get a small child to realize the error of his ways. I don’t know! Maybe I’m completely wrong and you parents out there can tell me all about it. This just wouldn’t be my go-to punishment.

After a quick dream about going to a “Former Baby Brothers” support club, Bobby is rushed into the minivan because Martha’s going into labor and they need to get her to the hospital. After some time well spent in the waiting room, Howard emerges with the news that Martha’s had twin boys! Everybody’s excited except Bobby who doesn’t even want to go in the room to meet his new baby brothers. A nurse who resembles a black Betty Rubble says she’ll look after Bobby and takes him on a tour of the hospital that concludes with a visit to the nursery. Bobby sees his new brothers for the first time and just like Tazz, the mood changes.

He can’t wait to teach them everything he knows about being in the Generic family. We close up with Bobby being chased through the halls of the hospital by the entire family because he’s running around with the stroller carrying both newborns. What could possibly go wrong?

The show finishes with a scene of live-action Howie Mandel with his cartoon family in the hospital with an appearance by Paul Anka who sings “You’re Having My Baby”. What a moment.

Final Thoughts:

This show is fun. Nothing too serious, the characters are cartoony enough and the fantasy sequences for how a 4 year-old is interpreting his surroundings come off creative and imaginative.

I know I used to lose myself in fantasies like that all the time when I was a kid. I wonder is the same can be said for kids today, though. Sure, I don’t have them, but I have a shit ton of little cousins and whenever I see them, they’re all sitting quietly to themselves each holding a tablet or someone’s phone. They don’t even have interest in toys anymore and that kills me. Toys are the best.

More importantly, because kids don’t play with toys, it makes it more expensive for jerks like me since the toy companies have to make up those extra profits somewhere and I get hit with a bigger mark-up.

Yo. Fuck kids.

❤ Joe

Daily Cartoon! ProStars: E.6: “Brazil Nuts”

Welcome back to another absurd cartoon selection on Car JoeMez! Remember to listen, subscribe, rate and review our weekly show, The Car JoeMez Podcast, on iTunesSoundcloud or other fine purveyors of podcasts.

Today, we’re going to watch an episode of ProStars. The show debuted in 1991 and also concluded in 1991 with a total of only 13 episodes. I was ten years-old at the time and was super excited for this show to come out. I’ve always been a huge sports fan and the thought of seeing Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky and Bo Jackson (who was and is one of my all-time favorite athletes) team up to fight crime and help kids through the magic of an animated Saturday morning cartoon turned me into a bundle of excitement.

Looking back, I don’t remember the actual show overly well, but I do remember that I knew it wasn’t great and I tried to convince myself that it was. After all, how could something be bad with these guys involved?! They wouldn’t lend their names to anything bad!  It was also heartbreaking to watch the show and find out that neither Gretz, MJ nor Bo did the voices for their characters. What a fucking kick to balls that was.

If memory serves, these episodes were usually buffered by a few live-action videos of the actual Bo and Wayne in a studio wearing ProStars varsity jackets as if they were sitting next to each other, meanwhile Michael Jordan was obviously just giving the producers 30 seconds of time after practice or something because you could tell he just didn’t want to be bothered. You know who would have been great on this show? Randy “Macho Man” Savage! My god, just imagine him saving the environment and dropping the big elbow on polluters. That’s the kind of cartoon I want to watch.

So ProStars only lasted 13 episodes and this one falls smack dab in the middle of that run. Let’s go back in the time machine and see if it’s as uninspiring as I remember.

ProStars: E.6: “Brazil Nuts”

Originally Aired: I don’t know! The internet doesn’t seem to have that information. 

Plot:

We get the opening credits which is pretty lame, but one thing the especially bothers me is that they have Wayne Gretzky shooting right-handed! Everybody knows The Great One was lefty shot. Oh god, this is going to make me fucking miserable, I can feel it already.

We open at ProStar Headquarters with the three guys on stationary bikes and in comes Mom: an old lady with like a combination German/Jewish accent who makes all their tech. She’s hyped because the boys are going on a mission to Brazil because there are reports of earthquakes in the Amazon Rainforest. A famous singer has gone missing there when he was supposed to be playing a charity concert to benefit the rainforest and Wayne has non-refundable tickets to his show next month so it’s imperative they find him.

Also, for no discernible reason, Wayne Gretzky is always fucking hungry. They have basically written him like he’s Shaggy from Scooby-Doo. This sucks.

The ProStars arrive in the rainforest by helicopter and are greeted by a local boy named Paco who usually helps hikers climb the tallest mountains. It’s sinking now because of all the seismic activity and the ProStars need to figure out why since damage in the rainforest can affect the whole world! I, for one, am completely confident in leaving the fate of global warming in Michael Jordan’s capable hands. I really hope Craig Ehlo turns out to be the bad guy in this just so MJ can embarrass him and leave him with that stinkface on at the end again.

The Stars are all caught in booby traps almost immediately by a group of…I dunno…maybe like Federalis like the ones the A-Team always used to have to battle while in Nicaragua. They escape easily and Bo Jackson uses infrared glasses to see the villain who is masked in a mineral that makes things appear invisible on touch. They track the evil Captain Impanema into a mine shaft where they discover Van Carosi, the captured singer and his band. They’re able to free him because they’re the fucking ProStars and then go looking for Impanema.

Look. At this point, shit gets full on ridiculous. There’s a close call with a school of man-eating piranhas, and then a plan to stop invisible construction equipment hellbent on destroying the rain forest. Wayne activates the roller blades in his sneakers to lure Captain Impanema (who bears a spitting resemblance to M. Bison of Street Fighter 2 fame) into a trap of their own where they finally…um…stop him from bulldozing the rain forest and force him to use an air pump to raise the mountain back to its appropriate height while Van Carosi sings a song about the ProStars because, obviously, I don’t hate everybody involved in this episode enough already.

Jesus Christ why did this exist?

Final Thoughts:

I hate each of these athletes so fucking much right now. And that’s a tough task because I love Bo Jackson so, so very much. They really went above and beyond the call of duty to make me turn heel on them in the span of 22 minutes.

This show is really bad. It’s corny and cheesy and lacks any charm. No wonder this didn’t last more than 13 episodes. Even that much feels like a stretch.

I’m not going to act too disappointed as it’s not like I was expecting to love this. Thankfully, my hatred of this episode will have no affect on my memories of my childhood. If this show does anything right, it’s that I never loved it beyond just the concept as a kid so I can hate it now without thinking younger-me was a jerk.

I was able to find most of the episodes on YouTube if you wanna go check them out, but let’s be honest, your time is much better spent elsewhere. Call your mom. Volunteer at a soup kitchen. Do a Google search for hentai porn. All better options than watching ProStars.

Hopefully, tomorrow works out better. Thanks for reading.

❤ Joe

Link

The Not-Power Rangers!

In Episode 25, we speak about the trailer for the upcoming POWER RANGERS movie and Gomez tells us how big a fan he was as a kid. This, of course, leads into us discussing the fugazi knock-off Power Ranger-like shows that sprung up because of how popular it was.

Joe was immediately familiar with VR Troopers and even sung us the song:

But Gomez, after getting confused as to which of the knock-offs he preferred, then figures out that he was also into something called Superhuman Samurai Syber Squad. This featured Matthew Lawrence and doesn’t seem to be that memorable as even Gomez couldn’t remember the name despite his professed fandom.

Both cheesy. Both reeking of the early-90s and both distinctly NOT the Power Rangers. What a time to be alive.

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