Daily Cartoon: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles S03E12: “Attack of Big Macc”

Welcome back to another classic TMNT episode recap. Today marks the 30th episode in the series and, to celebrate, we will…be watching and commenting about the going-ons as normal. Isn’t that fun?!

Yesterday’s episode actually wasn’t too bad and I hope we can keep up that same level of mediocrity as we go through today. I have no idea what the title is in reference to since I sincerely doubt it would be about my favorite hamburgers, but the screen cap on the DVD has a picture of a robot so I cannot wait to have my brain melted by the upcoming drivel!

I can’t believe we ate this shit up with a spoon as kids. Man, we fucking loved it! Man, we were fucking morons! Kids are the worst. Let’s watch some TV.

S03E12 (Ep. 30): Attack of Big Macc

Original Air Date: October 10, 1989

The Plot:

April O’Neil is doing a special report from a laboratory that’s showing off a new laser. During the exhibition, lightning strikes the power lines which overload the laser’s controls which, by some miracle of John Cena, open a portal from another dimension through which a fucking Johnny 5-looking ass robot appears. I knew my brain was going to fucking melt from this shit today.

I don’t have it in me to detail this shit too much. Here we go: scientists run away, military police start shooting at robot, but his technology is far superior to anything we’ve ever seen on Earth so he makes quick work of them and destroys that fancy new laser we were just getting a taste of. April O’Neil – despite watching everyone else around her head for the hills – decides to NOT FUCKING MOVE AND CONTINUE REPORTING WHILE A WILD ROBOT FROM THE GODDAMN FUTURE IS SHOOTING IN HER DIRECTION!

Her cameraperson who’s never seen is also there ensuring the live scene is broadcasted on Channel 6 without interruption, but is apparently never in danger because…listen, I’m not the one who wrote this, OK?

The Turtles, who have been watching this unfold on TV finally decide they should probably help their friend since she’s under fucking attack and make it there in one of the quickest cuts in television history. Since this robot’s from the future, he’s obviously way too powerful for the Turtles to match, but Michelangelo gets an idea and yells, “peace, dude,” which causes the robot – now calling himself MACC short for Mobile Armored Computerized Combatant – to stop shooting and start high-three’ing (because Turtles only have three fingers, duh) Michelangelo because “peace, dude” is all you need to end violence.

MACC is from Sector 4, Level 8 which means fucking nothing to me, but he is from 400 years in the future so maybe that’s just what they call Nebraska then or some shit. What good would a high-powered super-weaponized robot be if Shredder, Bebop and Rocksteady didn’t show up to try to steal him on behalf of Krang, but the robot controller device Shredder has doesn’t work so MACC is still a good guy and April can’t wait to get an exclusive interview with him because: RATINGS!

The Turtles bring MACC to their sewer lair because being out about town with a wanted robot is nobody’s idea of a good time and shit starts going haywire because MACC’s circuits were damaged while traveling through time. Donatello says that if this keeps up, he’s going to blow up. MACC hears this and, not wanting to put his friends in danger, runs away. You can almost hear the sad Hulk music playing as he goes down the strange sewer corridors.

But this only lasts about three seconds because Shredder shows up with a couple of Foot Soldiers and a new-and-improved robot control device to take MACC captive! The Turtles notice MACC is missing and Raph hypothesizes that it’s because MACC heard them talking all that shit about him. Guilty fucking consciences. All of you.

With MACC under evil control, Shredder brings him to the surface to begin shooting up town. No one will buy April’s interview with the polite robot from the future now. The Turtles arrive on the scene and Donatello says that Shredder’s device is actually expediting the process of frying MACC’s circuits and if they don’t find him soon, he’ll level the entire city once he explodes.

The Turtles track MACC’s path of destruction (copyright: Taz, 1997), but they arrive too late as Shredder and MACC are heading back into the Earth’s core via transport module. BUT THEY’RE IN LUCK! Shredder left a spare Module behind and the Turtles are more than happy to drill in the ground to pay a visit to the Technodrome.

The villains see them coming and have the Turtles ensnared in chains upon arrival. Krang relays his plan to use MACC to take over the world, but as he amps up the power on the device controlling MACC, it effortlessly falls off and the control is broken. Shoddy craftsmanship if you ask me. Krang is the real fabrication science man from science land, pa.

MACC uses his lasers to free his Turtle BFFs and then our assembled crew makes the heels look like a bunch of clowns. Squash match-level embarrassment here. Out of nowhere, and without explanation, a portal opens up that allows MACC to return to his own time and the Turtles to hop back in a Module to return to the sewers where peace can reign until Krang and Shredder hatch their next evil plot.

The Comments:

Fuck MACC, bro. I never trust robots. I’m Team Cyborg all the way. Like Robocop. Robocop wasn’t just pieces of metal, he was part human which meant he liked things that I liked. Except Sting. I never liked Sting.

But let’s run this down: robot from the future shows up, starts shooting at everything and then relaxes because a mutated turtle cackles a “peace, dude” to him only to be nabbed by the baddies until a portal opens up with no rhyme or reason for him to return home and we get another ten instances of these transport modules drilling from the center of the Earth to the surface and back to the point that either NYC has become incredibly efficient at filling potholes or the entire city is on the brink of physically collapsing into a hole. I don’t know, you be the judge.

So, yeah, fuck MACC. My fave part was when he caught the Turtles talking shit.

Main Man Standings:

Gawbij. Single and a half main men. One and a half stars. This show is the Maestro of Mediocrity.

Comments & Concerns:

Email: ShoesOnSports@gmail.com

Twitter: @MaxSexPow

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